Old politics In A New Parliament

And so normal service resumes in The Scottish Parliament. At First Minister’s questions, Labour opposition leader Iain Gray launched into his weekly tirade against The SNP on the subject of staffing cuts at NHS Glasgow. They were to be laid firmly at the door of the nationalist administration in Edinburgh. It’s a simple world if you are fortunate enough to inhabit Scottish Labour’s microcosm. The cuts and financial difficulties faced by the board have nothing to do with the former Labour Westminster government’s decision to remove £500 000 000 from the Scottish budget, nor do they have anything to do with the Labour dominated health board overseeing the voluntary redundancies and natural wastage. It’s just the nasty nats failing to protect frontline public services. Nat Cuts! Tory Cuts! Lib-Cuts!

Despite the departure of chief banshee Margaret Curran, the Labour backbenches bawled and taunted with all their usual gusto. It matters not how banal or intellectually fraudulent the line of questioning, what matters is that The SNP are attacked. Rational thought doesn’t enter the equation. The official opposition are like the baying congregation of a charismatic Baptist church, suspending all critical judgement, as a third rate discredited pastor launches into a fundamentalist attack against The Lord’s enemies- though it has to be said that Scottish Labour has a longer enemies list than any Old Testament God.

On election night, I myself must confess to a momentary lapse of reason. A colleague was explaining to me how Scotland had never been in a stronger position to negotiate with our southern neighbours. Not only do we have an SNP government in Edinburgh, but we have a huge block of Labour MP’s with a strong mandate to speak for Scotland. By her thinking, cooperation between the two would not only prove to be an effective defence against the impending ConLib threat to the Scottish Budget, but it could possibly lead to full fiscal autonomy. When it came down to it, she believed Scottish Labour would set aside tribal differences and do what was best for Scotland. For a moment, I believed in her hypothesis- then I remembered just who exactly she was talking about.

Anakin Danny and the Mysteries of The Force

You have to hand it to Scottish Labour for the way they held it together until The Coalition was formalised. Apart from a couple of sharp rebukes from Douglas Alexander and Jim Murphy in response to Salmond’s rainbow taunting, Labour have behaved with a certain amount of grace and dignity throughout the negotiations if not the campaign itself. Neither of the big Scottish parties had a particularly endearing election. None of The SNP's optimism and positive message that characterised 2007 shone through, and Scottish Labour fought a doomsday scenario, rearguard action, that was half double speak and half Maggie Thatcher milk snatcher.

It wasn’t until after the Fife boy’s last homily that the loss of power set in and The Crew started the same venomous ranting of a rejected lover that was evident in the immediate aftermath of their Holyrood defeat. Margaret Curran is in buoyant form against The Independentistas in The Sun, where she apparently blames The SNP for having the temerity to stand against Labour in the first place.

“This is the result they secretly wanted. They campaigned for Labour to lose the election, they stood candidates against Labour, they repeatedly called for Gordon Brown to resign."

Iain Gray was full of hyperbolic menace on the BBC where he described Con-Lib as

“a deal with the devil”

He then proceeded to threaten his once coalition partners in The Scottish Parliament with the obvious.

"The great majority of Scots rejected the Tories at the election and the Liberal Democrats will pay in the months and years ahead for propping up David Cameron."

Did you hear that Charlie? Ming? Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling. In the months and years ahead. Nobody holds a grudge like Scottish Labour. Ask The SNP, or as groundskeeper Willie would say,

“You’ve made an enemy for life pal”

Perhaps it’s more than a little symbolic that it appears Danny Alexander could well be the only Scottish Lib-Dem MP to take up a seat in the emerging cabinet. Every person of a certain age in Scotland remembers the last time that they controlled the levers of power. Propping up a minority Tory regime is most certainly not what the majority of Lib-Dem voters had in mind when they cast their vote for “change”.

It would be easier to take some assurance from the myriad of Con-Lib spokesman who talk about a “respect” agenda towards Scotland if the cabinet taking shape weren’t so white, male, southern English, Oxford (majority) or Cambridge educated, slick on one hand and entitled on the other. History will judge Scottish Labour, but for good or ill, they are genuine and real to Scotland. At best the new government will be perceived as alien to the majority of Scots, and even the noblest intentions won’t save The Secretary of State for Scotland from the appearance of tokenism- will we get a black minister as well as a jock mistah Dave?

So far it looks a lot more “Old” Tory than “New” and there is no honeymoon in Caledonia. Money is a problem. A new funding arrangement between Westminster and Holyrood is imminent. A large public sector and the iniquitous nature of Barnett consequential cuts will disproportionally affect Scotland.

Senior Scottish Lib-Dem’s are already quick to defend their position by promising a rapid implementation of the financially inept Calman proposals. The Tories campaigned on some unspecified pledge to do their “own thing” about their wee bother up north, and The SNP will demand nothing less than full fiscal autonomy. A wounded and threatening Scottish Labour will attack Con-Lib with the same ferocity that they usually reserve for the nationalists. Whatever method of financing Scotland emerges in The Queens Speech should be taken with a pinch of salt. Danny’s joined the dark side, and there are now just two electable political parties in Scotland. The Scottish Constitution will be decided during their all too infrequent moments of détente.